My mother's maiden name is Lindsay, which first appeared in the Borders of Scotland in the 12th century. The dress Lindsay tartan is one of the most widely used in the world, and I come from a proud and passionate bunch of Angus thistles.

My first words were in Gaelic, and I remember Granny Lindsay calling me a "bairn" in a thick Scottish accent. She had nine children and once whacked a man with her umbrella during Victorian times for exposing himself to her. It must have been this mixture of Gaelic, Polish, and then Spanish, which turned me into a schizophrenic polyglot, otherwise known in the family as "Wee Chatterbox." I would have preferred "passionately loquacious," but then nicknames are given to us gratuitously, with a lot of aforethought, and without personal consultation.

My earliest recollection of Dundee is that it was "awffy cald." They also had the best ginger snaps and coconut bars a child could savour; and a strong briny smell of the North Sea with a wind that would chill you to the marrow of the bone. Blackness School was very strict, even though my mother was a teacher there I could not expect any special favours. In fact, I once received the strap across my hand for misspellings. 'Till this day, I remember the stinging pain of humiliation which prompted me to become an excellent speller. Arithmetic and mathematics were non-existent for me, no matter what the threats. Today the only meaning they have is connected to monetary value. Don't believe the fables you hear about Scots being frugal. This one Scottish lass thinks nothing of squandering money. To me it is nothing but dirty paper unless you spend it.

We Scots can be very romantic and emotionally tawdry. Just go to a football match. Go Dundee United!! Try calling Sean Connery a sissy for wearing a kilt and see if he doesn't pick up a tree and throw it at you; or say Nessy is a publicity stunt and watch tempers ignite.

Boots, scarves, gloves, hats, raincoats, umbrellas, and other such paraphernalia, are purchased when I arrive in Europe; later discarded before I return to Florida so that I don't have to pack these dreaded objects of winter invention. Much has been written derisively about Scottish weather but the brave hearts of the north make a wet, cold, and extremely damp trip unforgettable. Even though I was born in one of the coldest places on earth, I grew up in tropical climates, and thus clothes became only a form of modest apparel, so when we drove around Loch Lommond, I remained in a catatonic frozen state for hours. No amount of Shetland wool jumpers or cashmere sweaters could give me that Florida glow. I did not thaw out until I returned to Ft. Lauderdale, but the Scottish warm hospitality is legendary.

When I decided I needed a very hot cup of tea and my husband needed a whisky to warm his bones after we had locked ourselves out of the rental car taking pictures of the loch, the maitre'd of the hotel-castle was most understanding. He led us into a ballroom that would easily accommodate three hundred highland-flingers and served us tea on a silver platter above the prying eyes of a moose head.

I have some lovely photos in a pink outfit picking purple heather in the Highlands with a background of absolutely breathtaking scenery. "The mist of May is in the gloaming, and all the clouds are standing still. So take my hand and we'll go roaming in the heather on the hills...." Brigadoon.

I bid you my fond farewell. Until we meet again.

Alinka (Lindsay) Zyrmont

Ae Fond Kiss

Ae fond kiss, and then we sever! Ae fareweel, and then forever! Deep in heart-wrung tears I'll pledge thee, Warring sighs and groans I'll wage thee. Who shall say that fortune grieves him While the star of hope she leaves him? Me, nae cheerfu' twinkle lights me, Dark despair around benights me.

I'll ne'er blame my partial fancy, Naething could resist my Nancy; But to see her was to love her, Love but her, and love forever. Had we never loved sae blindly, Never met -- or never parted, We had ne'er been broken-hearted.

Fare thee weel, thou first and fairest! Fare thee weel, thou best and dearest! Thine be ilka joy and treasure, Peace, enjoyment, love, and pleasure! Ae fond kiss, and then we sever! Ae fareweel, alas, forever! Deep in heart-wrung tears I'll pledge thee, Warring sighs and groans I'll wage thee.

Robert Burns 1757 - 1796